Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Barkley 100 - The road to hell

In the world of UltraRunning there's long very doable trail runs, then there's Barkley. It's like no other. In the history of the run, only a handful have ever completed it. It eats the world's best for breakfast. And now, it's my new goal for 2008. I am actually nervous about a race for the first time in years! Read the entry form below and check out the attached link to see why. Anyone wanna join me?!

Website - http://www.mattmahoney.net/barkley/index.html

BARKLEY MARATHONS - 100 MILE RUN & 55 mile fun run

Put this down. Get away from it. You are holding a one way
ticket thru the portals of Hell. One way in and only one way out.

The Barkley is not the most imposing 100 miler. Only 2000'
separate the highest and lowest points. Yet, somehow, year after
year nobody finishes. Why? Because, eventually, everybody quits.
Maybe it is the endless gut-wrenching climbs. Maybe it is the leg-
wrenching descents. Maybe it is the sawbriers and blackberries.
Maybe it is because the Barkley is truly man against the
mountain. We don't have cute little glo-lights every hundred feet.
If you can't find your way, you shouldn't be in the woods. No
gourmet stands every half mile. You are lucky we put out water.

The Barkley is not for the pretty boys. The Barkley takes away
your speed and leaves you a struggling shadow of yourself. The
Barkley runner must be tough. A thousand foot per mile elevation
change exacts a heavy toll. He must be savvy. Finding your way with
a map is easy if you know how. Knowing where you are on a remote
mountainside at night requires no little skill. He must be self
reliant. At the Barkley we provide a venue, and render it
reasonably safe. The rest is between you, the mountain, and that
little voice inside you that says " Mommy, it is too hard, I want
to quit."
There are reasons that the fun-run averages only 2 finishers
a year. There are reasons that no one has ever finished the 100. To
know the Barkley is to know humility...and fear.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: April 1, 1995 : packet pickup March 31
Starting Time: Saturday morning
Time Limit: 55 miles, 36 Hours : 100 Miles, 60 Hours
Location: Frozen Head State Natural Area
Don't ask, if you can't find the park on your own, then
you don't belong "out there".
Average Weather: Temperatures 0 to 80 f. Possibly during the same
race. Rain, snow, sleet, hail, hot sun have all occured
in the past.
Requirements: Rigorous requirements must be met: NO women. They are
too soft. No children. They are too small. No Californians. This
race is not cool. NO soccer fans. Soccer sucks. NO marines. They
don't biodegrade. NO yankees. We don't want them buried here. NO
wimps, worms, slugs, or weenies. They don't got what it takes. And
most of all, NO Health Fascists. We encourage smoking during the
race.
Course Profile: Gently rolling, numerous downhills (27,000' in the
fun-run alone). Very scenic.
Trail Description: Varies. Some of it ain't for sissies.

Recomended Clothing: Enough to get thru briers. You should carry
emergency gear. (dry clothing, matches, etc.)
Aid: Access to your car @ 20 mile intervals. Water @ 5-8 mile
intervals.
Fee: $1.55 and a pair of thick, warm boot socks.
Entry Limit: 25 runner limit. Selection by whim.
Your chances of finishing: You Will Not Complete the 100 Mile Run.
You have about a 10% chance in the fun-run.

ESSAY: ALL ENTRANTS ARE REQUIRED TO COMPLETE AN ESSAY ON
"WHY I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO RUN IN THE BARKLEY".*

* include discussion of all issues involving deorative wood
shavings, unnecessary surgery, Tommy Lasorda, uninspected poultry,
shampoo, duck costumes, reptiles, investment bankers, and unwanted
hairs.
------------------------------------------------------------------
send entry to: Idiot
233 Union Ridge
War Trace, TN 37183

NAME:_________________________________AGE:_____(in Mercurian years)

ADDRESS:_____________________________________SEX: Y/N

CITY:__________________________________ST____HAT SIZE:_____

FAVORITE PARASITE:_________________________________________________

Complete the following: You can never know too much about fungus,

because..._________________________________________________________

*** read before signing ***

I KNOW THE BARKLEY IS A GRUELING, GRIM, AND HAZARDOUS EVENT,
WITH MINIMAL OPPORTUNITY FOR SUCCESS. I SWEAR TO OPERATE STRICTLY
WITHIN SAFE PARAMETERS. RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY SAFETY IS ENTERELY MY
OWN

SIGNED ______________________________________________DATE_________

WITNESS______________________________________________
-------------------------------------------------------------------
DEFFN: Fool- enters the Barkley
Moron- enters the Barkley, expects to finish
Idiot- enters the Barkley, thinks he will do the 100
Sissy- does not enter the Barkley

5 comments:

Paulie said...

Well I wish you luck. World's Fittest Man, go for it. For me is hero anyone who has courage to cross start line and those six people wo managed to cross finish line are mixture of Superman, God and Chuck Norris. Are you going to post race report then in April, please?

Al the Old Whig said...

I thought this was a joke! Then I read the articles.

Wow!

I've run two Marathons now (Twin Cities '06 & '07), the last one with my knee killing me from Mile 12 on and the first one with bad shoes.

I'm thinking I might need to do a 30-miler.

duke said...

"55 mile fun run"

Hilarious! So shouldn't the 100 miler be twice the fun?

Jeremiah Aiken said...

I am so excited that you're doing this race! (and not me) Man I wish you luck, I can't wait to hear that you were lucky number 7!!!

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